Miss Brazil
I first took notice of a lump the size of a beer nut about a week ago. It was on my right buttock about an inch-and-a-half due west of my anus. I was barely aware that it was there at the beginning but as the days passed it grew to the size of a walnut and the degree of inflammation, pressure and pain increased daily. The idea of going to see a doctor to have it taken care of terrified me, so I tried to ignore it and kept wishing that it would disappear. It was only after things reached a point where I could not bear to sit, stand or lie down that I phoned a local urgent care clinic. Despite never having been to the clinic before I was grateful to find that they could schedule me for that afternoon. The receptionist said I would be seen by a physician’s assistant named Jessica whose last name was unpronounceable and contained two-thirds of the letters in the alphabet. I was so desperate I didn’t hesitate one second to accept the appointment knowing that in a few short hours