GARGOZO MANUSCRIPT

AP Photo/Jae C. Hong Dodger Stadium - Tuesday March 27, 2018 36,937 baseball fans witnessed an unusual event at Dodger Stadium the other night - after 5 innings the game was called off on account of shit.  Halfway through the game a wretched bubbling pool of raw sewage suddenly appeared in front of the Dodger dugout, grew steadily in size and stench sending both teams in retreat to their locker rooms.  Thirty minutes later an announcement was made to the few remaining fans that play would not continue. Since that night Dodger officials, not wanting to take the focus off of the upcoming season opening game, have been quite vague both as to the cause of the incident and whether refunds would be offered.  However, they were quite insistent that the problem had been addressed and would not resurface. As reluctant as I am to question anybody’s positive attitude, I think certain facts need to be considered.   The construction of Dodger Stad...

My huevos rancheros were accompanied by gales of laughter from the next table.  Earlier I had dropped off the grandkids at school and headed to Cafe Verde for breakfast.  Although normally a quiet spot on a weekday morning, I had unknowingly taken a seat next to Gil Cedillo's political brain trust.  It was six weeks until May 16, when Cedillo would try to be re-elected to his seat on the Los Angeles City Council and the three men seated next to me were there that morning to meet with a fellow whose help they needed for the campaign. While they waited for the fellow to arrive they entertained each other by discussing the challenges of backing Cedillo.  I assume since they were in Pasadena and not Boyle Heights or Highland Park, they felt it was safe to speak and laugh aloud reminding each other of incidents where Cedillo had displayed his social ineptness and disregard for constituents.  They found each tale hilarious while at the same time underscoring the ...

A crowd surrounded a terrified woman kneeling on the ground.  A Hebrew man stepped forward holding a stone and addressed the gathering, “let him among you without sin cast the first stone.”  A tall man in the crowd took the rock from the Hebrew, hurled it at the woman, striking her in the head and killing her.  The tall man’s friend berated him, “Damn it Harry, he said without sin.” With a puzzled expression the tall man said, “That’s not what I heard.” The friend continued, “It’s not all your fault.  This Hebrew has a real problem with just coming right out and saying what’s on his mind.  I’ve told him countless times that the use of passive voice, analogies and parables are not effective ways of communicating with illiterate nomads but he never takes advice from anyone.” Harry said, “He should speak plainly when a life hangs in the balance.” His friend answered, “Of course he should, but try telling him that.  It will fall on deaf ears...

Sixty-five years later, I still shudder every time I drive by the house.  It was there on Campus Road across the street from Occidental College that I gave my first and last piano recital.  Six months prior to the recital my mother and I were in a music store where I started fooling around with the keys of one of the pianos.  The salesperson was quick to remark, “He certainly takes right to it doesn’t he.”   In a manner of a few days   the piano was sitting in our living  room and I was signed up to take  lessons from Paul Moncur’s  mother who lived eight houses  down from us. I had just turned seven years old and already knew I had no future when it came to music.  My second grade class was rehearsing a song as part of a program for parents when the teacher took me aside and suggested I simply mouth the words rather than attempt to sing them.  I took no offense to this or to the reprimands from Mrs. Moncur sin...

I first took notice of a lump the size of a beer nut about a week ago.  It was on my right buttock about an inch-and-a-half due west of my anus.  I was barely aware that it was there at the beginning but as the days passed it grew to the size of a walnut and the degree of inflammation, pressure and pain increased daily.  The idea of going to see a doctor to have it taken care of terrified me, so I tried to ignore it and kept wishing that it would disappear.  It was only after things reached a point where I could not bear to sit, stand or lie down that I phoned a local urgent care clinic. Despite never having been to the clinic before I was grateful to find that they could schedule me for that afternoon.  The receptionist said I would be seen by a physician’s assistant named Jessica whose last name was unpronounceable and contained two-thirds of the letters in the alphabet.  I was so desperate I didn’t hesitate one second to accept the appointment know...

Unbeknownst to my sister-in-law I’ve invited several former San Diego mayors to her Christmas party.  According to Natasha Wolfe’s party planning tips I found in The Daily Beast , “The best gatherings are generally ones that have a few unexpected guests.”  All the better of course if they are well-known, “The curiosity for a luminary and the awe of an accomplished individual adds a little magic to a gathered group.”  Since my sister-in-law lives in San Diego most of the party goers would surely recognize any one of the six I’ve invited who led the city all but 10 years since 1983. Working in the same order in which they held office I began with Roger Hedgecock (1983-1985) who was charged with several felonies related to receiving over $350,000 in illegal campaign funds and was forced from office.  He pleaded guilty to one count of conspiracy and was found guilty of twelve counts of  perjury.  Four days after he resigned he began a nationally syndi...

Image from the Hollywood Reporter I was convinced Terry Gilliam had ghost written the magazine article I found in The Occidental .  He graduated from Oxy the year before I started there and the article had the same combination of tongue-in-cheek and outrageous slapstick that Gilliam had contributed to Monty Python’s Flying Circus .  As I worked my way through it chuckling to myself, it slowly dawned on me what I initially thought came from Gilliam’s devilish imagination had in fact actually taken place. It seems that students had occupied the college’s administration building on a Monday in November of last year.  The activity was part of a nationwide demonstration in response to racially charged events at the University of Missouri .  The day began with the demonstrators sharing accounts of microaggressions; marching around campus chanting “My neck, my back/Get the f*** out yo class;” and prior to taking over the admin building, handing the college Pres...

Photo by Ringo H.W. Chiu/AP There she was again; orchestrating another press conference while supplying her distraught client with tissues.  Given the media frenzy surrounding the 2016 presidential election, I wondered why it had taken so long for her to join in the fray.  She is getting on (75 last July) and hasn’t seen the inside of a courtroom in years, but I didn’t think that would be enough to keep her off the front page.  Then I learned she was supporting Hillary which meant she had to lay low until they started trotting out females violated by Clinton ’s opponent instead of by her husband. Gloria Allred’s efforts on behalf of mistresses and other women wronged by the well-known and well-to-do have brought her fame and fortune but there’s more to it than that.  Despite her pronouncement “The more I know about men the more I like dogs,” she doesn’t always go after men.  She helped submarine Meg Whitman’s 2010 run for governor when Allred represente...

It’s official!  On October 21, UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon will declare Wonder Woman as the honorary ambassador for the United Nations, launching a campaign to achieve gender equality and women’s empowerment over the next 15 years.  When I read this I thought at first it was a piece from The Onion but it turned out to be a perfectly legit article in the New York Times .  I guess this will really serve as a wake up call to Boko Haram.    The article indicated that Wonder Woman got the nod over 6 other candidates that were not identified.  As mystified as I was by this inexplicable affair I immediately wanted to know who had been passed over.  With millions of people around the globe being starved, mutilated and vaporized, if the United Nations truly felt this was a worthwhile way to spend time and money, couldn’t they have gone about things in a more sensible manner? Image from aryanunity.com Without downplaying the contribut...