Was That You?
Someone sent some sort of text/special effects message to my
cell phone yesterday that I did not (nor ever will) see, view or
listen to. If it was you and it was friendly, thanks for thinking of me;
if it was nasty because I did something offensive, please accept my
apology; or if wasn't you at all, forget about it.
The reason I can never see, view or listen to whatever it was is
that I know only how to make outgoing calls from my cell phone
and how to receive incoming calls. The calls
that I refer to are the kind where the two people involved
(the caller and the callee) can actually hear each others'
voice in real time (no visuals. sound track or recorded voice features).
I find the cell phone experience to be off-putting and have no desire
to venture out beyond making and receiving calls.
So if it is a text, email, skype, GPS, photo, face book, apps, musical,
navigation or digital colonoscopy - I am going to miss it.
Actually, I miss out on a lot of incoming calls because it is very difficult
for me to hear my cell phone ring. I carry it in my pants pocket which
muffles the sound quite a bit. Often it will later occur to me that
there was some odd sound a few minutes/hours ago while I was
at the cashier in the market buying Popsicles, and I will pull out
the phone and find that I once again have missed a call.
There are also the calls that I miss when I hear the phone ring and can't get
the little bastard out of my pants before it stops ringing. The
other problem I have is if I do get the thing out of my pants in
time, the cell phone I have is the kind where you have to somehow
grab and flip open the two halves - not unlike a clam shell.
It is an old model but it was free.These were popular with smugglers of
various contraband in the 80's since the sleek perfectly smooth teardrop
shape can be easily stashed and later retrieved along with the drugs from
one's rectum.
Due to the design of the phone it makes for one slippery SOB.
On the rare occasion when I am able to hold onto the phone, I rarely
am able to open it in time since I have no finger nails and I have to take
my keys out of my other pocket to use one of them to pry open
the phone. My keys are much easier to hold onto than the phone so my
latest method of answering the phone (when I can hear it ring) is to take
my keys out of my pocket first and place them between my front teeth,
leaving both hands free to remove the phone form my pocket. I then cradle it
firmly it one hand, and with my free hand, separate one key from the rest
to use as a pry bar.
When at last I am able to open the phone and it is a phone call
and (1) I remembered to charge my phone; (2) I am situated such that
there is some acceptable level of reception; and (3), there is not the kind
of noise that you experience in a public place, in or close to traffic,
in a restaurant, in a store, at the mall, at the DMV, getting a haircut, at
the dentist, at the post office - or anywhere you can think of outside of a
sensory deprivation tank - then I can put the phone to my ear and actually
hear the person on the other end of the call.
More often than not, I immediately regret having taken the call.
cell phone yesterday that I did not (nor ever will) see, view or
listen to. If it was you and it was friendly, thanks for thinking of me;
if it was nasty because I did something offensive, please accept my
apology; or if wasn't you at all, forget about it.
The reason I can never see, view or listen to whatever it was is
that I know only how to make outgoing calls from my cell phone
and how to receive incoming calls. The calls
that I refer to are the kind where the two people involved
(the caller and the callee) can actually hear each others'
voice in real time (no visuals. sound track or recorded voice features).
I find the cell phone experience to be off-putting and have no desire
to venture out beyond making and receiving calls.
So if it is a text, email, skype, GPS, photo, face book, apps, musical,
navigation or digital colonoscopy - I am going to miss it.
Actually, I miss out on a lot of incoming calls because it is very difficult
for me to hear my cell phone ring. I carry it in my pants pocket which
muffles the sound quite a bit. Often it will later occur to me that
there was some odd sound a few minutes/hours ago while I was
at the cashier in the market buying Popsicles, and I will pull out
the phone and find that I once again have missed a call.
There are also the calls that I miss when I hear the phone ring and can't get
the little bastard out of my pants before it stops ringing. The
other problem I have is if I do get the thing out of my pants in
time, the cell phone I have is the kind where you have to somehow
grab and flip open the two halves - not unlike a clam shell.
It is an old model but it was free.These were popular with smugglers of
various contraband in the 80's since the sleek perfectly smooth teardrop
shape can be easily stashed and later retrieved along with the drugs from
one's rectum.
Due to the design of the phone it makes for one slippery SOB.
On the rare occasion when I am able to hold onto the phone, I rarely
am able to open it in time since I have no finger nails and I have to take
my keys out of my other pocket to use one of them to pry open
the phone. My keys are much easier to hold onto than the phone so my
latest method of answering the phone (when I can hear it ring) is to take
my keys out of my pocket first and place them between my front teeth,
leaving both hands free to remove the phone form my pocket. I then cradle it
firmly it one hand, and with my free hand, separate one key from the rest
to use as a pry bar.
When at last I am able to open the phone and it is a phone call
and (1) I remembered to charge my phone; (2) I am situated such that
there is some acceptable level of reception; and (3), there is not the kind
of noise that you experience in a public place, in or close to traffic,
in a restaurant, in a store, at the mall, at the DMV, getting a haircut, at
the dentist, at the post office - or anywhere you can think of outside of a
sensory deprivation tank - then I can put the phone to my ear and actually
hear the person on the other end of the call.
More often than not, I immediately regret having taken the call.