Blue Bloods

Of the current flurry of cop shows on TV, I can only sit through Blue Bloods and Elementary.  Even these I find difficult to tolerate and usually when I do watch them it is because I am too lazy to do something worthwhile.  Below I will take on Blue Bloods and save Elementary for another day.

Blue Bloods is a weekly series about the Reagan family who for generations has been part of the New York City Police Department.  Tom Selleck is the Police Commissioner as was his father before him.  Nepotism seems a non-issue as Selleck has 2 sons on the force and a daughter working for the DA's office.

Selleck portrays a one-dimensional old school character who maintains a permanent scowl throughout every frame of every episode.  A good 5 minutes of every show has his face filling the screen with an implacable the-troubles-I've-seen expression.  He has either gained a lot of weight or has volunteered for some sort of experimental botox program.  It's more likely a weight issue since he can no longer walk in a natural manner.  He always has on a massive trench coat draped over him and when attempting to walk looks like Apollo 12 being gingerly moved from the hanger to the launching pad.  Evidently no episodes take place in the summer since Selleck has never been in the open air without the trench coat.  Anyone wearing such a coat during a New York summer would be committed.  I assume it is a device to hide the fact that his weight problem has resulted in his upper thighs beginning to fuse together.

At least once in every episode the 4 generations of Reagans sit at the Sunday dinner table and pontificate in a hypocritical, holier-than-thou style about the issues of the day.  Every 5^th episode the retired commissioner reveals to Selleck a past transgression where he bent the law for his own purposes.  However, there is always a rationalization provided to justify why it was acceptable for him but not for anyone else.  The old timer only tells Selleck about these things since I assume his DA granddaughter would be legally bound to rat him out unless the statute of limitations had run out.

Selleck's character is totally oblivious to the fact that his 2 sons are completely ill-suited for police work.  Mark Whalberg's brother plays Danny, a macho, border-line psychotic who consistently dishes out police harassment and brutality.  He, like Selleck, is a one-trick pony.  He is mad, angry, impatient and irate without ever deviating.  He could never have made it onto any police force north of the Mason-Dixon Line and for him to have made Detective is absurd.  Adding to his constant rage is the fact that he and his wife can barely survive financially.  This also escapes Selleck's notice that Danny and his wife surely are into some form of addiction.  A New York City Detective and an ER nurse would clear $200,000 a year without overtime yet her 14-year old sedan catches fire because they can't afford a simple repair.  More evidence that Selleck is in a complete fog is the fact that he has never lost at poker.  Amarillo Slim can't even make that claim.  Certainly who ever he is playing with is letting him win to gain favor in some way.

The other son is a touchy-feely wimp who consistently puts himself and his partners in harm's way.  He also suffers PTSD every 6 episodes when it is necessary for him to kill some bad guy in self-defense.

The show proclaimed in one episode that 95% of all policemen go their entire careers without ever firing their gun.  Somehow, in the face of the show's own information, there has never been an episode in over 5 seasons where either one or both of the sons hasn't fired their guns.  The other sure thing in almost every episode is a scene in a men's room prominently displaying urinals.

The writers have a bag of words and phrases that pepper the dialogue of every show.  I would suggest that you use the following list as a tally sheet so that you can check off each item as they appear in any episode you watch.

We're done here                 

Copy that                  

I've got to take this

Awesome                             

Bro                              

Yo

Bad boy                                

In the wind               

Look at me, look at me

What he said                                    

Dude                          

Duh, or Hello

High 5                                               

Knuckle bump          

Do me a solid

APB                                       

BOLO                         

GSW

10-point match                     

Cover me                   

I've got your back

Forget about it                      

LUDs                          

What are you gonna do?

Welcome to my world          

I got nothin'               

It is what it is