Tall Tale
Students in Munson's English class received extra credit for destroying his Porsche's convertible top. This came about when Munson deviated from the scheduled lesson plan and focused on vocabulary. Students were required to correctly spell each word and use it in a complete sentence. The list of vocabulary words included the following:
Automobile
Insurance
Policy
Comprehensive
Coverage
Vandalism
Claim
Police Report
Quid pro quo
Anonymity
Munson encouraged everyone to string the sentences together to tell a story. To clarify what he meant by this he told the class a story about an imaginary medieval kingdom far away and long ago. In the kingdom lived an imaginary teacher who taught at an imaginary school, and whose convertible's canvass top was badly soiled and frayed. The Heights brothers were students in the imaginary school and wanted to help out the imaginary teacher. The brothers knew the comprehensive coverage provided by the teacher's imaginary automobile insurance policy reimbursed for vandalism. The brothers took their imaginary swords to the top of the teacher's imaginary car, slashing it to ribbons. When the imaginary teacher filed an insurance claim he was required to make out a police report. Since the imaginary teacher had no idea who to thank for the deed, no mention of the Heights brothers was ever made. To ensure anonymity and show his appreciation in the form of a quid pro quo, the imaginary teacher gave extra credit to every student in the imaginary class.
It was the late 1960s when Munson was teaching at Lincoln High School in North East Los Angeles. This area is one of the oldest neighborhoods in Los Angeles having started in the early 1800s. People first settled on the east bank of the Los Angeles River and then spread eastward. The neighborhood also has some of the oldest gangs with some that began in the 1920s. There are currently 14 gangs that are prominent in this area. The Lincoln High School campus is surrounded by turf controlled by the Parkside Locos, East Lake Locos and Happy Valley Rifa gangs. Munson knew his audience well, made good use of eye contact as he spun the tale, and nature took its course.
Later that semester, Munson and I made plans to watch a basketball game at his place. Munson was a fanatical supporter of UCLA and they were playing in the semi-finals of the NCAA tournament. However, there was one small wrinkle that would need to be dealt with. The high school's annual talent show was scheduled for the same evening as the game and Munson had been assigned to open and close the auditorium. He had been given the key, told to open the doors an hour before the show, and to lock up when everything was finished. It was only a 10-minute drive to the school from Munson's place so he figured things would work themselves out.
In the semi-final game of the annual collegiate basketball championships, UCLA was matched against the University of Houston. The teams had played each other earlier in the year with Houston winning and ending UCLA's 47-game winning streak. After the loss, Munson had covered his front door with black fabric and was seriously depressed for days. The media had devoted more hype to the up-coming rematch than to the championship game which would follow 2 days later. Munson was extremely keyed up and saw the game as nothing less than a Sicilian vendetta.
As the start of the game drew near, Munson still had not set a time for driving to the school to open the auditorium. From the very beginning, Houston was totally out-played by UCLA and it was sure to be a route. Munson never moved. He was frozen in place. He feared that if he were to move any part of his body, let alone stop watching and drive to the school, UCLA's momentum may be compromised. It did not seem possible that UCLA could lose but Munson couldn't risk it. If he left his spot and UCLA somehow lost, he couldn't continue living with that hanging over his head. Most people would find it hard to believe any connection exists between one's posture in an armchair and the result of a sporting event.
Munson is not most people. From his perspective, he has spent a lifetime filled with experiences that defy reason. He found that when he looked back, he usually could find a sign that foretold the outcome. He's always looking for signs. He's had good times when he spotted the signs and bad times when he's missed them. A perfect example was opening day 12/26/1963 at Santa Anita Race Track. Munson's family had always enjoyed exchanging bizarre Xmas gifts and that year was no exception. His brother Dave gave him a 14 inch-long petrified walrus penis. It was meant to be worn around the neck on a string that went through a hole drilled on one end. Munson took it to the track as his lucky object which was also part of his family's opening day tradition. Just before the 3rd race, he was running to bet the 6 horse before the window closed. The string broke, the petrified walrus penis fell to the cement floor, and broke into 3 pieces. Munson bet the 3 horse instead and it won.
Munson maintained his position in the armchair and UCLA won easily 101 to 69. Munson insisted that this was further evidence supporting his theory. I had suggested just before half-time that he could check on the auditorium and get back before the 2nd half started. I was told that I simply "didn't understand what was at stake."
With the game behind us we now had something new to deal with. Was there anyway possible for Munson to avoid serious consequences for failing to carry out his talent show responsibilities? We figured that after some confusion and panic the talent show would have gone off a little late but no big deal. We also figured the person that was recruited to open the place would have stuck around to lock up as well. We later learned that our figuring was accurate. However, this in no way changed the fact that Munson had betrayed people's trust and let everybody down.
I proposed to Munson that we needed to think big if he was going to get a pass on this. We would have to come up with a mammoth yet credible tale that would explain to the principal why Munson had not only failed to shown up but had not even bothered to call. Even better would be a story the principal would be inclined to treat as confidential. That would be a big advantage if the story wasn't open to public scrutiny. We brainstormed for a day and a half before we were satisfied that we had a winner.
Munson needed to stay out of sight until he walked into the principal's office on Tuesday morning. If the story was going to hold up we would need to lose all of Monday. Munson's car would remain in the garage with the door closed, he would not answer the phone, nor would he contact the school until he walked into to the Principal office. He would not shave or shower and for all practical purposes he would simply disappear until Tuesday morning.
Of course the plan required that Munson be able to see the NCAA championship game Monday night. I picked him up and we drove to his family's rental in Newport Beach where we watched UCLA win its 4th title.
On Tuesday morning, Munson met with the principal. Munson hadn't shaved or showered since Saturday and was looking very drained and despondent. The principal's initial reaction verged on alarm when he saw Munson. He closed his office door and gently asked Munson if he was alright and what had happened. Munson told him that he got a call Saturday morning from his girl friend's mother. She asked Munson to try and stop her daughter from having an abortion. Munson's girl friend had not told him anything about it but had taken off for a clinic in Juarez, Mexico. Munson had jumped in his car and driven to Juarez to try and convince her to reconsider. He had just driven back this morning and was exhausted.
The principal was overwhelmed by Munson's appearance and his description of the ordeal. He was so sympathetic and genuinely concerned that Munson almost felt guilty. The principal was very hesitant but finally got up the courage to ask Munson if he had caught up with his girl friend in time to change her mind. Munson knew what to say. We had decided 2 days earlier that if this question came up, the answer had to be "no". The principal was devastated by this. He told Munson not to worry about anything having to do with the school as he would take care of everything. He told Munson to go straight home, get some rest, and take the rest of the week off.