Alumni I

Some 20 years after graduating, I spoke on the phone with a pleasant sounding young lady from Occidental and proposed an end to our association.  The school and I had never been on good terms.  I had been counseled for misbehaving as a freshman and had been given a well-deserved label of asshole.  So in many ways it could be said that I was to blame for us getting off on the wrong foot.  However, over time I developed a deep hatred as my interactions with the administration and faculty demonstrated that the majority were incredibly smug and insular.  I was too naïve to realize that it was probably to be expected from a place that was private, small and granted tenure.

I managed to complete all 4 years but I was being driven by a student deferment that kept me ineligible for the draft and Viet Nam.  Added to this was the guilt I had knowing my dad had taken on a second job to cover the tuition.  After graduation my resentment toward the school peaked.  It wasn't until I looked for work that I discovered the extent to which the school was irresponsible and detached from reality.  The liberal arts education heralded as part of a daily mantra by the school was turning out to be expensive, wasteful, and totally impractical for anyone who needed a job.   Granted, it was a nice thing to have if you had the time and money to add 4 more years of college where you would actually learn how to do something.

For 20 years following graduation, although I never lived more than a mile from the school, I never once set foot onto the campus.  Several times each and every year I received mail from the school.  The majority of it was donation requests but also included were calendars, announcements, special events and the annual college magazine sent to all alumni.  In addition, there were phone calls from the school asking for charitable contributions.  It was in fact during one of these very phone calls that I severed our relationship.

The caller, a female voice, said, "Is this Mr. Gardiol?"

I answered, "Speaking."

She said. "Mr. Gardiol, my name is Camille and I'm calling from the Alumni Office at Occidental.  How are you today?"

I said, "Fine, so far."

Camille said, "Great to hear.  I am calling you this morning as part of an effort to contact the alumni and ask if you would like to make a contribution."

I said, "Camille, before we deal with that can I ask you a question?"

Camille said, "Yes, what is your question?"

I asked, "Do you spell your name with 1 or 2 Ls?"

Camille said, "2 Ls."

I asked, "Have you ever read the novel?"

Camille asked. "What novel?"

I said, "Camille."

Camille said, "Yes, I'm here."

I said, "Yes, I know.  When I said Camille, I was asking if you had ever read Camille, the title of the novel I mentioned."

Camille said, "Oh, sorry, I misunderstood.  I have heard of it but I have never read it."

I asked, "Did your parents choose Camille as a name because of the character portrayed in the novel?"

Camille said, "I don't know.  Probably they just liked the name."

I said, "On the contrary, it's quite probable that there is something more to it than that.  Most parents give a great deal of thought to names for their children.  What names were given to your brothers and sisters?"

Camille said, "It's just me, I have no siblings."

I said, "Ah, not only the first born but an only child to boot.  Camille, I encourage you to pursue this with your parents.  Your name may carry some significance that you are completely unaware of."

Camille said, "Well, you've made me curious."

I said, "I would be too, given that she was a prostitute."

Camille said, "I beg your pardon?"

I said, "In the novel as I recall from my English lit class, Camille was a prostitute.  Purely a victim of circumstance, but made memorable by her virtue and self-sacrifice. Now, let's get on with the contribution business.  Although I've never donated anything to the school before, I now very much want to propose something of real value.  I would like to help the school reduce the expense of publishing, mailing and phone calls.  Please remove my name from any and all mailing and phone lists and make sure the school does not make any effort to contact me in the future.  The amount of money saved over the remaining 40 odd years I have left should add up to quite a bit."

Camille said, "You're serious, aren't you?"  

I said, "100% serious.  Can you please take care of that for me?"

Camille said, "Certainly."

I said, "Thanks for the call".