The Pros

I watched the young couple walking along the quiet side street with their five-year-old daughter.  They were traveling south away from Colorado Blvd and using the sidewalk that surrounds the Eagle Rock Plaza’s parking area.  When they reached the driveway that serves as an exit from the east end of the lot, they took up their positions.  The woman sat down on the cement to one side of the driveway and the little girl sat on the woman’s lap.  The man stood over them holding a cardboard sign on which was a message scrawled in large letters.

As shoppers left the parking lot, before they could turn onto the side street, they would have to bring their car to a complete stop when they reached the end of the driveway.  There they were greeted by the smiling trio, all of whom made eye contact with the car’s occupants while they waved like the Grand Marshall at the Rose Parade.  The man held the sign against his chest and would actually pivot as cars passed by to ensure they were given ample opportunity to read the dozen or so words he had composed.  The three of them appeared to be well-groomed, well-fed and were dressed in casual clothes that were perfectly clean and presentable.

I was viewing all of this from across the street parked in my car, waiting for my grandson’s weekly speech therapy session to end, munching on cheese rolls from the Leelin Bakery, and listening to the radio where the Dodgers were losing their home opener to a terrible Arizona team. My first reaction to the needy family was sympathetic and I considered walking over and giving them a dollar.  I was puzzled why the poor schmucks had taken a spot on a quiet street when less than 100 yards away was Colorado and a traffic mother lode.  Where they had chosen to set up they’d be lucky to see one thousandth the number of cars that would be on Colorado.

I watched for an hour during which over 500 cars came to a stop at the end of the driveway.  The shoppers riding in 21 of these cars handed money to the man holding the cardboard sign.  The money offered was always a single bill but I was too far away to be able to see if it was a one, a five or some other denomination.  I thought it most likely that the bills were ones and at the most fives.  This would mean the family was netting between 21 and 105 dollars an hour; or an hourly wage somewhere between a dental hygienist and a data base administrator.  In addition the money was tax-free.  I no longer felt any urge to help them out.

I also began to understand why they had selected this seemingly out-of-the-way spot to panhandle.  Certainly there were many more cars on a busy street like Colorado but the majority would be whizzing by at 45 miles per hour.  The traffic light on Colorado would bring cars to a stop every 60 or 90 seconds but how many drivers are going to take the time to hand out a dollar bill with cars lined up behind, chomping at the bit to race to the next traffic light?  The trio knew exactly what they were doing. Compared to Colorado, this spot would yield tenfold the number of cars that would have to come to a stop in front of the smiling and waving family.  There would be ample time to read the sign and none of the pressure from other drivers to get the hell out of the way.

I was too far away to make out the message on the cardboard but it seemed longer than the typical versions I had seen.  Then I realized that since each car had to come to a full stop there was more time involved and you didn’t have to limit yourself to “NEED NELP” or “UP SHIT CREEK”.  I presumed the family’s message, whether true or not, had been carefully developed over time and had proven to be effective.  They may have used focus groups to help them craft the ultimate plea.  This idea really appealed to me and I thought I might have a future composing and selling panhandling placards.  As I continued watching cars exiting the parking lot and listening to the Dodgers embarrass themselves, I tried my hand at coming up with messages that would bring results.  My favorite was:

“MOM DIED, NEED $ FOR COFFIN”.

I also wondered with the little girl greeting each car from her mother’s lap with a smile and a wave if the sign was even necessary.  It probably wouldn’t have mattered if the sign said “LARGE BILLS ONLY”.  With the location, the family grouping, the smile, the wave and the sign it was plain to see that these people were pros who had put in the time to perfect their approach.  I expect to find them at it again when I return in a week for my grandson’s next session.  I am curious to see what the sign says.  I also want to see when they wrap things up at the end of the day if they drive off in a Lincoln Town Car.