Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?

Where the hell did they go?  Since the beginning of summer they've visited our kitchen sink every morning and now, a solid week with not a single ant.  Some mornings it was just a couple of scouts checking to see what scraps awaited them in the bottom of the sink.  Other times there'd be a full battalion streaking back and forth between the bottom of the kitchen window and something tasty left on a plate.

I am surprised I didn't catch on sooner as finding the ants in the sink was built into the morning regimen:

1.  Make coffee with the Italian creamer that we managed to do with out for the first 47 years  of marriage but is now mandatory.
2.  Do I have the energy to make eggs?
3.  We are out of eggs, so toast it is.
4.  Are we out of bread?
5.  Or how about those little dutch rolls with the raisins that cost an arm and a leg? 
6.  Go to sink to wash cups for coffee.
7.  What is that?
8.  Go to bedroom, put on glasses and return to sink.
9.  Again with the ants. 


We are not talking about these guys skipping a day or two - there's been not a sign of them for a full week.  It is now obvious, I've been jilted.  Where in God's name are they going to find a better deal than our sink?  How about the time I left out the glass baking dish I used to make short ribs?  Have they forgotten that?  Don't I always leave the ice cream bowls in the sink until morning?  

Initially I was simply perplexed by their betrayal.  Later I moved on to denial but now I am just plain pissed.  Do they think they can just dump us and move on to the neighbor's place?   I suspect that lady is possibly anorexic which means they'll have to migrate all the way to her bathroom to find the choicest bits.  How much you want to bet that they'll be back in a few days with some bull shit story about how they got confused because her townhouse looks identical to ours.

On the other hand they may be trying to get even with us for the Chinese ant chalk.  There's this product that is supposedly sold only in swap meets because the U.S.Government has outlawed it.  Which is of course total crap but provides a rational for charging outrageous prices for the stuff.  The chalk is packaged in a tiny faux-Asian looking box whose graphics appear to have been done by someone at Mad magazine.  I expect there's a fourteen-year old in Fresno who's cleaning up by knocking these things out in his uncle's basement.  It's of no concern to me - I just know the stuff really works.  Maybe the ants have gone on strike and will return if we sign a non-proliferation agreement.      

There is always the possibility that the ants have become aware that Lancaster is about to be waterfront property.  Have they taken off for the hills because they can sense an historic seismic event on the horizon?

Come to think of it there's been a lot in the news lately about the world-wide drastic drop off in the population of bees.  Theories for their demise range from a Monsanto product to global warming.  Maybe our ants haven't run out on us but instead are becoming extinct?

I suppose it is possible that the queen of the colony has moved on to greener pastures.  Oh my God - maybe she passed away!  They live for up to thirty years which you'd think would be ample time to put together a decent succession plan.  Maybe they haven't gone anywhere, maybe they're grieving.  This makes a lot of sense when you add to this the fact that I went to Guatemala for 10 days.  Between the death of the queen and my recent disappearance, the poor little guys are devastated.  It is possible they don.t realize I'm back.  I'll make short ribs tonight and all will be forgiven.