HIDDEN - A VIEWING GUIDE

Don't make the mistake of thinking that providing a viewing  guide to this series implies that I recommend it.  Rather, consider it a public service intended to mitigate the overwhelming despair that awaits the casual viewer.  Hidden is a BBC production set in Wales featuring a Welsh-speaking cast available on various streaming outlets.  The 20-episode series follows small town, crime-fighting cops Cadi John and Owen Vaughn (pictured above) in what begins as a who done it? but soon becomes a why am I watching this?   

Excepting sadomasochists, there's little chance anyone who settles in to view this will make it past the first 10 minutes.  For those that had the good sense to call it quits, here's what you missed.

It turns out Wales is a country attached to the lower left-hand flank of England and small enough to fit inside Cher's basement.  Hidden depicts the land, the weather and the people that live there as catastrophically morose and dank.  It seems like hours before there's a scene that is not shot during a torrential downpour at night in an abandoned fog-bound quarry.  It is only then that one discovers that the series is filmed in color and that at least some part of current-day Wales does enjoy electricity. 

Once the storm-battered, desolate and barren landscape of Wales has been presented, the story unveils the poorly-lit Dickens-era interiors of rundown farmhouses, failed businesses and dilapidated low-income housing.  It's here, indoors, that we are introduced to an unending lineup of dysfunctional families.  To entertain myself I used the checklist  below to assign points to each new household as the plot unfolded.  

1.  Ex convict  1 point

2.  Invalid with or without irresponsible care giver 2-3 points

3.  Sociopath 5 points

4.  Pedophile  3 points

5.  Keeps pidgeons as a hobby  2 points

6.  Alcoholic/addict  1/2 point

7.  Abuser and victim 1-2 points

8.  Youth or criminal gang  member(s) 1 point per member

9.  Comatose 2 points

10.  Widow or widower 1 point

11.  Divorced 1 point

12. Unemployed  1 point

13.  Arsonist  1point

14.  Mentally challenged  1 point.

15.  Abandoned as a child  1 point

16.  Terminal illness 2 points

I had my favorite households and enjoyed seeing them suddenly contend for the point lead because of a cancer diagnosis or when a kid's parents informed him he was adopted.  By my count through 20 episodes not a single household scored zero and several were in double figures.

Hidden portrays the Welsh as brooding, genetically endowed with a short fuse, and a preoccupation with jealousy, resentment and self-loathing.  Jesus himself couldn't watch this show without wanting shit to rain down on most of the cast.  Which provides viewers with another opportunity to entertain themselves.

There is no shortage of alarmingly despicable individuals throughout this series.  It's easy to find one that really gets your dander up.  Pick one you find truly offensive then sit back and wait.  Chances are it won't be too long before you can  relish seeing them violated, eviscerated, humiliated and put through a wood chipper.  The cast steadily dwindles with at least one horrific murder, rape, seizure, industrial accident, burial or funeral in every episode.  

Best of all, the violent endings are not limited to serial killers.  Feel free to add to your list anyone you find particulary annoying.  I couldn't help hoping to see an ugly end for Cadi's two sisters - not what you would consider mass murderers, but their constant snivelling drove me up the wall. 

The highlight of the complete series takes place at approximately 1:42 after the beginning of episode 1 of season 2.  Regrettably, the copyright protection technology prevents me from being able to provide an image.  I recommend viewing the episode from the beginning as it takes less than 2 minutes to arrive at something you will long remember.

The episode opens as usual, late at night in the rain and fog.  In a rural setting, authorities enter and proceed to conduct a room-to-room search of a disheveled house.  The only thing guiding them through the house are the frantic shifting beams of light coming from their torches.  The ominous sound track builds dramatically, indicating the results of unspeakable  acts are soon to be revealed.  When nothing appears out of the ordinary on the ground floor, the searchers' darkened silhouettes approach the base of the stairwell.

Be prepared at this point to pause the film.  Very quickly, one of the silhouette's flashlight beam will illuminate the stairs.  The carpeted stairs will be lit briefly, perhaps for less than a second.  This is the point where you must pause the film, while the stairs are lit (although somewhat dimly).  Now with the film paused, zoom in on the stairs and check out the carpet.  Ain't that a pisser?